The Waiting Game

As much as I try, I am not a very patient person. Being overdue is sooo hard! I am slowly but surely going crazy. It's like waiting to jump off a high diving board: the longer you wait, the more anxious and scared you become. With Renne, I had an amazing birth experience. She taunted us for a few days, but came right on time and I never had to deal with this overdue business. I am just realizing now what a blessing that was as a first time mom. I was so lucky to have an on time baby with no complications. Labor was long, and contractions hurt, but giving birth was beautiful and I wasn't feeling that nervous or anxious about this one…until Monday. The big due date. You tell a pregnant lady a date, and she's got it so firmly engraved in her mind: make it to January 5, Ash. You can do this. Pregnancy begins to feel like a marathon near the end, and I am dying for it to be over. My body is done. So January 5 came and went, and I thought I was ok...until I woke up the next morning, and started to panic! What am I going to do today? I thought. The house was spotless, the laundry done, the sheets washed, the fridge full. How many times can a woman clean her house before labor starts?! And seriously, I need to get off babycentre and whattoexpect and all of those other "mommy" sites! I have been reading way too many birth stories that just make me more and more anxious to get this over with. Silly me for thinking my labor would be just like it was with Renne! HAH! Jokes on me. As if I thought I might be lucky enough to have both of my babies on time. Silly naive Ash. That's not how it works. I told Tim last night that I feel like i'm stuck in time. I am so ready for the next chapter of my life to start, for new challenges, new beginnings, a new baby, a new year, and I can't get on with things until this baby is out. I've been having lots of unexpected symptoms over the past month (more on this later) but I had a hind leak and thought my water broke…(umm twice), lots of back labor pains and cramps, contractions at night that start to feel legit and then stop. Two nights ago they were coming every 6-7 min for 5 hours and then they stopped. I know this happens to women all the time, but I was still so frustrated and really disappointed. And poor Tim, he's so cute. Any time I phone him at work, he picks up so excited and I can tell he's dying to hear the "It's go time" call! I know as soon as she gets here, I will look back and think that really wasn't that bad, I just needed to be patient. heinsight is 20/20.  I will probably regret this post and laugh at it in a few days…weeks?? Yikes, I'm not going to think about it…

I think it's so hard to wait this time because I know just how amazing the end result is, and I want this baby in my arms more than anything!! It is such an amazing blessing to be able to work so hard, for so long and to be blessed with a precious spirit in the end. It only makes sense for this whole process to be difficult, to cost us something, because the end result is such a miracle. It should be hard. It should take time. So I guess I am my own therapist. Chill out. Wait. It is so worth it.