Addison Jayne Whidden

Addison Jayne Whidden

born on January 10, 2015 at 12:48 p.m.

weighing 7 lbs 9.5 oz and 20.5'' long

As I think about our sweet little Addie's birth, I am so humbled and reminded that things will always happen exactly when they are supposed to. The timing could not have been more perfect and ideal. I am grateful for the difficulty I experienced near the end of my pregnancy, and for the waiting. It gave me a wonderful perspective; a relief and joy that I'm certain would not have been as powerful without overcoming that trial. The Lords thoughts are not always our thoughts, and his timing is definitely not always our timing. He knew exactly when Addison was supposed to come...

I was four days over due and was starting to completely fall apart. Tim came home from work on Friday to find a disaster of a wife. I was laying in bed, in my pjs with Renne next to me watching Bubble Guppies on Netflix. yikes. He looks at me with that oh boy look and asks how I am doing. I just started blubbering. Things had reached an all time low. I was done. Mentally and physically. I had aches and pains all over my body; my back felt like it did for most of my labor with Renne it had gotten so bad. I had intense cramping pain, which I'd been having since 35 weeks off and on, I was beyond grouchy - I was just sad. Distraught. exhausted. I had told the big man upstairs earlier that day that I was holding on by a thread, and I really needed some serious assistance getting through the day. I felt like a whale, and moving around had gotten to be quite the ordeal. I don't remember feeling this way with Renne. My pregnancy was hard, but the end was fine until labor started. I was up walking around, making freezer meals, cleaning the house basically until I left for the hospital. Everything was so textbook, and I did not expect the end to be this hard this time around. And I did not prepare myself to be waiting…waiting…I swear every day feels like a week when you're overdue. Especially since I had been having contractions all week, every night that would stop when I fell asleep. Every morning I was waking up disappointed not to be in the hospital - I was literally going crazy.

So there I was feeling sorry for myself, crying to poor Tim about my life, when my mother texts me and tells me to come meet her and my dad and my sister and her husband for dinner. I responded with something like "maybe Tim and Renne will come. I'm a wreck". But being my wonderful mother, she responded with a "snap out of it and get out of the house. You need to come." I decided she was right and I really hated the person I was being, so I got dressed, threw on some mascara and we went out for some yummy italian cuisine. I had a great time talking and thinking about things besides labor, and it was exactly what we all needed in that moment. On our way home, I told myself to (wo)man up and be the mom Renne deserved.  We had a bath, cuddled, read stories and sang songs and I enjoyed my time with just her. My hilarious, busy, brilliant toddler who had no idea what was about to happen...We had been doing lots of this all week, but I will always cherish that last night with just her and I. The last night as a family of 3…

At 5:30 Renne woke up and came into our room. I got her a glass of water, gave her a kiss and put her back down in bed. Well, I guess today's not the day, I thought. I had assumed that it would all start in the middle of the night. The cliche "wake up with contractions" scenario. I got a drink, went pee, and laid back in bed. It literally happened ten seconds later. That first contraction. Umm, I aint playing this game, I'm going back to sleep. After about an hour, I realized I was, in fact, not back asleep, and that I was having consistent contractions. I continued to lie in bed until 7:30 when I started having to breath heavily through them. Even though I was extremely reluctant, I decided to start timing them to see where things were at, just in case. For about half an hour I laid in bed timing them. They went from about 8 mins to 5 min apart fairly quickly, so I decided to get out of bed to determine if they were legit. I refused to get excited just yet, but things started to really get real then. Just from standing up, I had another contraction come instantly. I bounced on an exercise ball telling my body to keep going. Let's do this. Let's go. I'm ready. DON'T STOP! I really was not afraid of the pain of labor. I knew it would be hard, but I was so ready to meet my baby girl, and I knew I could do it since I had done it before. Around 8:00 Renne came into our room and Tim woke up. I told him not to get excited but that I was having contractions that I would safely call "painful-ish". He laughed and asked me why I didn't wake him. Are you kidding? I said. Like we needed another false hope…

By 8:30 the contractions were 3 mins apart, and I was starting to think it might actually happen! I was still able to walk through them, so we made breakfast and went about our morning. How painful did they get before I left with Renne? I asked Tim probably a hundred times. I remember with her by the time they were 3 minutes apart I was feeling anxious and ready, but I was still waiting for that "lets go" feeling. I texted Kristen to tell her things were finally happening, and that we would drop Renne off soon. I showered and got my bag ready, and paced around the house until 10:30 when we decided to start making our way to the hospital. We stopped by the Sheens' and I could hardly move through the contractions. We said goodbye to our baby, and were on our way. In the car, the contractions were pretty intense and I could tell things were picking up. We got to the hospital around 11 and the nurse hooked me up to the monitor. I was really puffing my way through each contraction at this point, and things were really starting to hurt. The nurse checked me at 11:30, and I was 6 cm. Hallelujah - I turned to Tim crying tears of joy and relief: "I'm 6!!! Hunny, I'm 6!!!" In my mind, that meant I was over half way there, and I knew what needed to happen next. I told the nurse that with Renne I got stuck at 7 cm and that I thought we should break my water to speed things up. "That's exactly what Dr. Godwin said she is coming to do" the nurse told me. K, sweet.

On our way to the delivery room I had two major contractions and I had to crunch over and stop and really puff through them. That is seriously my secret. I think about blowing out the pain with my breathing. I imagine that i'm puffing the contractions out of me. I started to shake and think about maybe trying some laughing gas, or hopping in the shower, but the nurse told me I was in transition and that I'd be having the baby really soon. Each contraction was much worse than the last, and I clinged to Tim for dear life through each one. I went into a zone, knowing it would be over soon. During labor with Renne, I stood almost the entire time, hunched over the bed. My entire body was tense, and I remember my arms and back hurting for days afterward. This time I forced myself to lay on the bed, and relax and rest in-between the contractions. Before I knew it, I was just about 9 cm and the Dr. came in to break my water around 12:30. It was weird because once she broke my water, the contractions slowed down a bit, and even though I was 10, I had to wait for that urge to push. With Renne, that urge hit me like a brick, and I didn't even think about it. I pushed super hard again, thinking about snuggling that baby. It's insane what your body can do! I still can't get over the miracle of giving birth. It is so beautiful. I felt so close to heaven when they put my baby on my chest. She was perfect. And she was finally out and into my arms! There are no words for that moment. 

How is it possible to love another baby as much as I love my Renne? It's amazing how fast your heart grows. Having your second is different than your first, because you know just how amazing everything is going to be. During those first few days I reminisced all that my Renni and I had been through, and I ached to see her. I kept replaying the memories I had of her and I over the last 2 years. Just me and my baby. My baby that wasn't so little anymore…

My girls

how can i be this lucky?

She looks so much like Renne did in this picture, but I noticed right away that she had her own look. She has these perfect pouty lips that are so expressive, and her eyes are the most beautiful things I have ever seen. She was also tiny. I didn't think I would have less than an 8-pounder with our genetics, but here she was, my perfect little bundle. So dainty and sweet. And she had the littlest cutest bum! 

The best view. ever.

Renne really had no idea what hit her. But she was the sweetest when she came to meet Addison. She was so concerned about making sure she had a blanket, and she wanted to hold her and give her kisses.  My heart exploded with all the love I felt in that moment.

Addison ended up being severely jaundice, just like Renne, and I noticed her face starting to turn yellow just a few hours after she was born. I mentioned it to the nurse and after a blood sample it was determined we would need to stay for photo-therapy. sigh. After 3 and a half days, we finally got to go home! I was dying to hold my baby - it's torture to watch them lay in an incubator! And I was so anxious to see Renne. She wasn't able to come to the hospital for a few days because she had been sick with the stomach flu, (well, Tim did bring her once but she threw up all over him and in front of the nurse...>:o) so the poor girl thought her mother had abandoned her, and I cried thinking about her being so sick without me there to comfort her. I was so grateful my parents were able to have her for those 4 long days. I don't know what I would've done without them.

Home at last…

I am so grateful we had Addison when we did. There are many reasons why it was exactly the right timing for our family. We are so blessed to have our two girls. I am loving every moment I have with her. I've learned that it really does go by in a flash. They grow so fast. I adore our late night cuddles…those moments of calm with just her and I. Or when she looks at me with those eyes…

Yes, she was well worth the wait.