Addison Jayne Whidden

Addison Jayne Whidden

born on January 10, 2015 at 12:48 p.m.

weighing 7 lbs 9.5 oz and 20.5'' long

As I think about our sweet little Addie's birth, I am so humbled and reminded that things will always happen exactly when they are supposed to. The timing could not have been more perfect and ideal. I am grateful for the difficulty I experienced near the end of my pregnancy, and for the waiting. It gave me a wonderful perspective; a relief and joy that I'm certain would not have been as powerful without overcoming that trial. The Lords thoughts are not always our thoughts, and his timing is definitely not always our timing. He knew exactly when Addison was supposed to come...

I was four days over due and was starting to completely fall apart. Tim came home from work on Friday to find a disaster of a wife. I was laying in bed, in my pjs with Renne next to me watching Bubble Guppies on Netflix. yikes. He looks at me with that oh boy look and asks how I am doing. I just started blubbering. Things had reached an all time low. I was done. Mentally and physically. I had aches and pains all over my body; my back felt like it did for most of my labor with Renne it had gotten so bad. I had intense cramping pain, which I'd been having since 35 weeks off and on, I was beyond grouchy - I was just sad. Distraught. exhausted. I had told the big man upstairs earlier that day that I was holding on by a thread, and I really needed some serious assistance getting through the day. I felt like a whale, and moving around had gotten to be quite the ordeal. I don't remember feeling this way with Renne. My pregnancy was hard, but the end was fine until labor started. I was up walking around, making freezer meals, cleaning the house basically until I left for the hospital. Everything was so textbook, and I did not expect the end to be this hard this time around. And I did not prepare myself to be waiting…waiting…I swear every day feels like a week when you're overdue. Especially since I had been having contractions all week, every night that would stop when I fell asleep. Every morning I was waking up disappointed not to be in the hospital - I was literally going crazy.

So there I was feeling sorry for myself, crying to poor Tim about my life, when my mother texts me and tells me to come meet her and my dad and my sister and her husband for dinner. I responded with something like "maybe Tim and Renne will come. I'm a wreck". But being my wonderful mother, she responded with a "snap out of it and get out of the house. You need to come." I decided she was right and I really hated the person I was being, so I got dressed, threw on some mascara and we went out for some yummy italian cuisine. I had a great time talking and thinking about things besides labor, and it was exactly what we all needed in that moment. On our way home, I told myself to (wo)man up and be the mom Renne deserved.  We had a bath, cuddled, read stories and sang songs and I enjoyed my time with just her. My hilarious, busy, brilliant toddler who had no idea what was about to happen...We had been doing lots of this all week, but I will always cherish that last night with just her and I. The last night as a family of 3…

At 5:30 Renne woke up and came into our room. I got her a glass of water, gave her a kiss and put her back down in bed. Well, I guess today's not the day, I thought. I had assumed that it would all start in the middle of the night. The cliche "wake up with contractions" scenario. I got a drink, went pee, and laid back in bed. It literally happened ten seconds later. That first contraction. Umm, I aint playing this game, I'm going back to sleep. After about an hour, I realized I was, in fact, not back asleep, and that I was having consistent contractions. I continued to lie in bed until 7:30 when I started having to breath heavily through them. Even though I was extremely reluctant, I decided to start timing them to see where things were at, just in case. For about half an hour I laid in bed timing them. They went from about 8 mins to 5 min apart fairly quickly, so I decided to get out of bed to determine if they were legit. I refused to get excited just yet, but things started to really get real then. Just from standing up, I had another contraction come instantly. I bounced on an exercise ball telling my body to keep going. Let's do this. Let's go. I'm ready. DON'T STOP! I really was not afraid of the pain of labor. I knew it would be hard, but I was so ready to meet my baby girl, and I knew I could do it since I had done it before. Around 8:00 Renne came into our room and Tim woke up. I told him not to get excited but that I was having contractions that I would safely call "painful-ish". He laughed and asked me why I didn't wake him. Are you kidding? I said. Like we needed another false hope…

By 8:30 the contractions were 3 mins apart, and I was starting to think it might actually happen! I was still able to walk through them, so we made breakfast and went about our morning. How painful did they get before I left with Renne? I asked Tim probably a hundred times. I remember with her by the time they were 3 minutes apart I was feeling anxious and ready, but I was still waiting for that "lets go" feeling. I texted Kristen to tell her things were finally happening, and that we would drop Renne off soon. I showered and got my bag ready, and paced around the house until 10:30 when we decided to start making our way to the hospital. We stopped by the Sheens' and I could hardly move through the contractions. We said goodbye to our baby, and were on our way. In the car, the contractions were pretty intense and I could tell things were picking up. We got to the hospital around 11 and the nurse hooked me up to the monitor. I was really puffing my way through each contraction at this point, and things were really starting to hurt. The nurse checked me at 11:30, and I was 6 cm. Hallelujah - I turned to Tim crying tears of joy and relief: "I'm 6!!! Hunny, I'm 6!!!" In my mind, that meant I was over half way there, and I knew what needed to happen next. I told the nurse that with Renne I got stuck at 7 cm and that I thought we should break my water to speed things up. "That's exactly what Dr. Godwin said she is coming to do" the nurse told me. K, sweet.

On our way to the delivery room I had two major contractions and I had to crunch over and stop and really puff through them. That is seriously my secret. I think about blowing out the pain with my breathing. I imagine that i'm puffing the contractions out of me. I started to shake and think about maybe trying some laughing gas, or hopping in the shower, but the nurse told me I was in transition and that I'd be having the baby really soon. Each contraction was much worse than the last, and I clinged to Tim for dear life through each one. I went into a zone, knowing it would be over soon. During labor with Renne, I stood almost the entire time, hunched over the bed. My entire body was tense, and I remember my arms and back hurting for days afterward. This time I forced myself to lay on the bed, and relax and rest in-between the contractions. Before I knew it, I was just about 9 cm and the Dr. came in to break my water around 12:30. It was weird because once she broke my water, the contractions slowed down a bit, and even though I was 10, I had to wait for that urge to push. With Renne, that urge hit me like a brick, and I didn't even think about it. I pushed super hard again, thinking about snuggling that baby. It's insane what your body can do! I still can't get over the miracle of giving birth. It is so beautiful. I felt so close to heaven when they put my baby on my chest. She was perfect. And she was finally out and into my arms! There are no words for that moment. 

How is it possible to love another baby as much as I love my Renne? It's amazing how fast your heart grows. Having your second is different than your first, because you know just how amazing everything is going to be. During those first few days I reminisced all that my Renni and I had been through, and I ached to see her. I kept replaying the memories I had of her and I over the last 2 years. Just me and my baby. My baby that wasn't so little anymore…

My girls

how can i be this lucky?

She looks so much like Renne did in this picture, but I noticed right away that she had her own look. She has these perfect pouty lips that are so expressive, and her eyes are the most beautiful things I have ever seen. She was also tiny. I didn't think I would have less than an 8-pounder with our genetics, but here she was, my perfect little bundle. So dainty and sweet. And she had the littlest cutest bum! 

The best view. ever.

Renne really had no idea what hit her. But she was the sweetest when she came to meet Addison. She was so concerned about making sure she had a blanket, and she wanted to hold her and give her kisses.  My heart exploded with all the love I felt in that moment.

Addison ended up being severely jaundice, just like Renne, and I noticed her face starting to turn yellow just a few hours after she was born. I mentioned it to the nurse and after a blood sample it was determined we would need to stay for photo-therapy. sigh. After 3 and a half days, we finally got to go home! I was dying to hold my baby - it's torture to watch them lay in an incubator! And I was so anxious to see Renne. She wasn't able to come to the hospital for a few days because she had been sick with the stomach flu, (well, Tim did bring her once but she threw up all over him and in front of the nurse...>:o) so the poor girl thought her mother had abandoned her, and I cried thinking about her being so sick without me there to comfort her. I was so grateful my parents were able to have her for those 4 long days. I don't know what I would've done without them.

Home at last…

I am so grateful we had Addison when we did. There are many reasons why it was exactly the right timing for our family. We are so blessed to have our two girls. I am loving every moment I have with her. I've learned that it really does go by in a flash. They grow so fast. I adore our late night cuddles…those moments of calm with just her and I. Or when she looks at me with those eyes…

Yes, she was well worth the wait.

The Waiting Game

As much as I try, I am not a very patient person. Being overdue is sooo hard! I am slowly but surely going crazy. It's like waiting to jump off a high diving board: the longer you wait, the more anxious and scared you become. With Renne, I had an amazing birth experience. She taunted us for a few days, but came right on time and I never had to deal with this overdue business. I am just realizing now what a blessing that was as a first time mom. I was so lucky to have an on time baby with no complications. Labor was long, and contractions hurt, but giving birth was beautiful and I wasn't feeling that nervous or anxious about this one…until Monday. The big due date. You tell a pregnant lady a date, and she's got it so firmly engraved in her mind: make it to January 5, Ash. You can do this. Pregnancy begins to feel like a marathon near the end, and I am dying for it to be over. My body is done. So January 5 came and went, and I thought I was ok...until I woke up the next morning, and started to panic! What am I going to do today? I thought. The house was spotless, the laundry done, the sheets washed, the fridge full. How many times can a woman clean her house before labor starts?! And seriously, I need to get off babycentre and whattoexpect and all of those other "mommy" sites! I have been reading way too many birth stories that just make me more and more anxious to get this over with. Silly me for thinking my labor would be just like it was with Renne! HAH! Jokes on me. As if I thought I might be lucky enough to have both of my babies on time. Silly naive Ash. That's not how it works. I told Tim last night that I feel like i'm stuck in time. I am so ready for the next chapter of my life to start, for new challenges, new beginnings, a new baby, a new year, and I can't get on with things until this baby is out. I've been having lots of unexpected symptoms over the past month (more on this later) but I had a hind leak and thought my water broke…(umm twice), lots of back labor pains and cramps, contractions at night that start to feel legit and then stop. Two nights ago they were coming every 6-7 min for 5 hours and then they stopped. I know this happens to women all the time, but I was still so frustrated and really disappointed. And poor Tim, he's so cute. Any time I phone him at work, he picks up so excited and I can tell he's dying to hear the "It's go time" call! I know as soon as she gets here, I will look back and think that really wasn't that bad, I just needed to be patient. heinsight is 20/20.  I will probably regret this post and laugh at it in a few days…weeks?? Yikes, I'm not going to think about it…

I think it's so hard to wait this time because I know just how amazing the end result is, and I want this baby in my arms more than anything!! It is such an amazing blessing to be able to work so hard, for so long and to be blessed with a precious spirit in the end. It only makes sense for this whole process to be difficult, to cost us something, because the end result is such a miracle. It should be hard. It should take time. So I guess I am my own therapist. Chill out. Wait. It is so worth it.

Just a few more weeks!

We are getting so excited to meet this little peanut!

My cousin's wife/old roomie, Britney offered to do a 3-D ultrasound for me during her lunch break at work. Our first ultrasound was a bit disappointing and we didn't get any great pictures. It was so sweet of her, and I was so happy with the pictures she got! 

I couldn't help but feel like she resembled me as a baby when flipping through them afterward. I dug out a baby picture and sure enough it looks like there's some similarities. Only time will tell! Excited to see what she looks like. My Renne is so much like her daddy, so it will be so fun to see how they compare. 

those pouty little lips...

Happy Birthday Tim!

Happy Birthday to my Timmy!!! 

A few nights before, we had lovely date night together which included steaks at the Keg, some Christmas shopping and a late movie. It was marvellous!! Seriously, date nights are such a blessing, and we totally took dating for granted before Renne. Tim just gets more handsome every year. I'm a lucky girl.

We celebrated on his actual birthday (Nov 16) with Uncle Jon and the Sheen family. It was perfect! We had a mexican fiesta complete with two different kinds of enchiladas. Tim's favourite!

Renne helping daddy blow out the candles

These two both love chocolate, so this cake produced a lot of smiles :) 

Tim's insanely rich birthday cake, Chocolate mousse cheesecake. The recipe had like 19 steps, so I was pretty excited to show him :)

I'm so grateful for this guy in my life. As cheesy as it sounds, he is my better half. I love how much he makes me laugh, even when I'm trying to be serious. He doesn't take me too seriously, and that is such a blessing. While we are so different, together we make such a great team. I am so blessed to have his constant, steady reassurance. Not much gets to this guy, he is such a stable rock. He always gives people the benefit of the doubt. He always assumes great things will happen to us, he doesn't let negativity get the better of him. He's always looking on the bright side, and is an amazing problem solver. He is completely comfortable with who he is, and doesn't need to impress people. He is so wise and smart, when he opens his mouth, i'm always amazed at his ability to sum up my paragraphs in two words. He knows me better than anyone, and puts up with my shenanigans. He is such a patient dad, and definitely makes up for my flaws as a mother. I'm so lucky to have you Tim. Thank you for everything you do for us. Happy Birthday Stud! ;) 28 looks mighty fine on you! 

Halloween 2014

What to be…what to be?? I found this hilarious little lobster costume in Utah and it was a whopping $6. I hadn't decided what we were going to be, and a lobster just hit me right in the funny bone. I also figured that we could easily dress up as chefs and make it a family affair. Easy enough, right? (i was initially thinking of being a planet, and show-casing my round belly, and Renne could be an alien, and Tim an astronaut…but I ran out of time to make my "rings" and couldn't find anything martian for Renne to wear - i'm such a dork!) I prefer home-made costumes any day, but Renne "boiling" in her pot was the cutest thing I had seen in a while!

She absolutely loved her lobster hat. She demanded to wear it for several days afterward. She would put it on and laugh at herself, like she knew it was funny. It was priceless. I, of course, let her wear it any time she asked! How could say no?

Trick or treating with mom and dad. 

She would give the quietest knock on the door, and then just stand there in amazement. She always said "Dank-eww" nice and clear, but her "Trick or treat" was pretty tough to make out - hehe! She equally loved helping handing out candy to all the fun kids that came by our place. She is such a sponge, and loves to watch and copy other kids. I'm so glad she gets to have a sibling soon! Being an only child just wouldn't work for this girl.

 Renne adores her uncle Jon - who took these pictures for us. He was making her (and Tim) laugh!

My mom caught this sweet moment earlier that day at her house when we were trying on costumes. I love her expression here. It's such a privilege to watch your child discover the world. I would love to know what she's thinking...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Love the Whiddens!

Utah Trip

In October we were so blessed to be able to go to Utah for a whole week!! We got to go to conference, see some football, do some shopping, explore Park City and of course spend some really great quality time with lots of family. Renne absolutely loved seeing her cousins, and I was in heaven with all the willing hands to help entertain her. 

Cooper is the sweetest, doting babysitter. He was so concerned about Renne, and would take her and play with her for hours. She thought it was the best thing. I love seeing cousins play together. I wish the Whiddens all lived closer. We cherished the time we got with Ben and Andrea and the kids. I seriously owe them my life for all the babysitting they did for us!

Cooper and Renne cuddling 

This is Renne's "smile" lately. Love my crazy girl

Temple Square visit

My girl and I at the temple

We stayed in Park City with Nana and Papa, and it was such a treat for Renne to have them to herself before they left on their mission. I am so thankful she got that quality time with them. 

I need to frame this one!

Look at them! I'm so lucky!

Yes, it must be said - I was as tired as I look. That's a preggo-Ash face right there. I can't believe how much it changes me. I like to think that i'm giving all my health, beauty, BRAINS and energy to the baby :) It's really flown by this time, but it is still a trial for me. It took me along time to admit that without feeling embarrassed. Despite not feeling super energetic, we were able to get done most of what was on our "list", and do pretty much all that we wanted. Renne was a great sport in the car, and I am so thankful we got to do a trip just our family of 3. Tim is so helpful and the best daddy. I couldn't have another one this soon without him. He is my rock.

Beautiful Park City in the fall

My busy girl, always on the go!

Spending an entire week with Daddy was the best treat!!

Riding the gondola

BYU football

"quick Timmy, we need a picture" - haha!

our pathetic attempt at a selfie?...

There is nothing like being in the conference centre. The spirit is so strong, and hearing those messages was such a boost for me. It was the nicest luxury to be able to spend that quality time with Tim away from Renne. I really needed it. We were able to see two sessions together - Saturday and Sunday morning, and Tim got to go to Priesthood with both his dad and my dad. They even made it into a picture of some men in the ensign!

We also got to do a temple session in the Salt Lake Temple, which is something i've been wanting to do forever. It was amazing. That place is ginormous and I couldn't get over how organized everything was. I got lost a few times! There's so much going on, and everything is much bigger scale, it was easy to take a wrong turn. The change rooms alone were a maze! It was so neat to think that I could've been sitting in the same seat President Monson did last time he did a session! The spirit was so special in there.